I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In other news, I just burned my penis
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
