She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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