it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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