he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
