I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
