They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
