hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
