can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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