I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
