WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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