She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
