Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
