i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
