Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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