May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
