If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
