@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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