mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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