it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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