My room smells like vodka and shame
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
