So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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