I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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