I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
