So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
