Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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