I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
