I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
