that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hippo gnu deer
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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