My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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