I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
