I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize