So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize