Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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