maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
