wakey wakey hands off snakey
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
