I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
