We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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