Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
