Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need moral support for this bender
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
