My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
