wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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