Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
