Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I love having hate sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
