i think my tv is drunk
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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