I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
