I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
