Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
