considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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