I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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