Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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