FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
