gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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