In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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