My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Quick, to the slutcave!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
