my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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