we're chasing vodka with high fives
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
