How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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