Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
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Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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