Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
