you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
