I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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