All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am naked and annoyed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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