were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
