i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
