I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
