My balls are so social today.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
