Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
