No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
