dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
