My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
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For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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