at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
This toilet bowl is my home.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
