For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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