the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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