we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
