I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
