Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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