By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
